Onward and Upward

It has been three months since I have written for this blog.  During that time, I have done a ton of thinking and praying.  My husband and I have done a lot of discerning.  In that process, I have come to accept that, while my ideals are important in an aspirational “never stop improving” sense, it is equally important that I accept myself, my family, my career, and my life in the moment.  Because, in a larger sense, I only have each moment, one moment at a time, and there is no guarantee that I will ever get another moment.  Wasting my moments with disappointment over “what might have been” or “what I wish could have been” is not productive.  It is not the way to live life, build relationships, raise children, and support a family.  Most importantly, it is not the way to reflect Jesus in my life.  Better to celebrate and make the most of the days, hours, minutes, and moments we have, irrespective of what “could have been”.  Time to move onward and upward.

End of the Innocence

Note: I wrote this post back in May.  I just haven’t had the guts to post it.  Even though my blog is anonymous, it just felt too personal.  But it also has not felt right to post anything else (hence, the looooooooong silence on this blog), so I’m going to just put it out there and move forward.

Back when I was young and naïve (or, ahem, about 6 years ago), I had this tremendously idealistic sense of optimism and freedom when I considered my future.  Grandiose visions of my future family, marriage, career, and children—all lived out in perfect line with my fledgling, newly reverted Catholic faith—danced in my head.  Pondering the possibilities breathed such freedom and hope into my life.  The prospects and potential was intoxicating.